Happy Halloween.
-You okay? -Am I okay with being
a cold semen, apocalyptic, wet dream to those pricks?
That's far from okay as you can be.
What's going on with
-Raquel or is it a secret? -If you put it like that.
Big secret?
There's no big secret.
I'm really worried about her. Last time she was like this,
she ended up in hospital.
What's going on?
It's Harry.
They broke up.
How come? What happened?
-I can't say. -Just tell me.
He's a racist.
-Seriously? -Yeah.
He-he likes to dress up as a Nazi.
Sing Nazi songs...
in his Volkswagen Beetle.
Nazi prick!
I know.
My phone has not stopped.
When this party's over,
I'm getting on a plane
and I'm hitting the beach.
So...
Big day. How are we feeling?
Yeah. Okay.
Well, try to contain your excitement.
What's wrong with you, you miserable bastard?
What happens to Raquel?
You know, after.
I really don't see there's anything to be gained from keeping her around.
I imagine she'll be more than a little annoyed.
We're banking on it.
Well, her being hurt and angry,
is what's gonna make those gates swing wide open,
like a hooker's cooch.
You uh...
You ever heard of Stockholm syndrome?
It's a...
psychological condition
where captives develop feelings of affection towards their kidnappers.
Instead of trying to escape, they start whipping up pancakes
and other labor intensive comfort foods.
You like her, don't you?
It's okay.
It's always a risk.
It just happened.
You need to keep a little bottle of her tears...
and drink from it on special occasions.
Okay.
I've got a million and one things to do.
You ready?
Shh.
Yeah.
I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.
They've delivered the ice sculpture?
Yeah, well, it's gonna melt.
I'm going to have to call you back.
Nurse!
We need some help in here, please.
Hello?
Yeah, that's me.
Is he okay?
Why did Coldplay have to come?
He's like a leech on my dick, just sucking the joy out of everything he touches.
They could use him against Raquel.
If he loves his sister, maybe that's a sacrifice he should be willing to make.
I'd do it for my sister.
You hate your sister.
She is poison.
Raquel, what is it?
It's-it's Harry, he stopped breathing.
But they revived him.
He's asking for me.
You can't go back.
It's too dangerous.
He nearly died.
I know how you feel about him, but he's just one person.
He saved my life, you want me to ignore him?
If you go back and they find you, tens of thousands of people get possessed.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
Jesus. You're really freaking me out.
You can't go.
So what... now you're telling me what I should do?
Before I clued you up, you were all stumbling around
like a blind woman with her knickers around her ankles
wondering why everyone shouts, "Beaver Alert."
Beaver Alert. Classic.
I'm sorry.
I can't let you go.
And just exactly how are you planning on stopping me Goldilocks?
If you make me, I'll tell Tyler.
I'll tell him everything.
Don't involve him in this, don't do that to him.
That's awkward.
What's going on?
You win, Goldilocks.
Oh.
-What's that all about? -Nothing.
Now...
I'm not saying that was totally your fault.
Just...
try to be a bit more sensitive in future, yeah?
What did I do?
Oi, oi.
That's for you.
-And for you. -Cheers.
Right.
Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween.
-Happy Halloween. -Happy Halloween.
Oof.
Mmm.
Blegh.
Let's Jenga, bitches.
Jenga is way harder than I remember it.
Oh.
It's your go.
Ha.
You lose, dickhead.
I think, uhm...
I think I'm just gonna
have a little lie down as well.
You smell like my mum.
Get off!
Dad...
it's just cheese.
I have to see him.
-You guys have a nice sleep. -No!
No. This is too...
It's too dangerous.
You can't go.
Don't do it!
Raquel!
Hey.
You shouldn't have come.
They said you were asking for me.
Well, I was out of it. I didn't know what I was saying.
-Thanks. -You know I didn't mean it like that.
It's good to see you.
How are you feeling now?
You look kind of shitty.
I'm fine.
Get a visitor?
Hmm?
The grapes.
Oh. One of the nurses got them for me.
Cause you were flirting with her?
No.
I'm joking, paranoid.
You've got a guilty mind.
Scoot up.
Jake!
Who won Jenga?
Raquel drugged us. She's gone to see Harry.
We have to go after her.
-What about him? -He's fine. Just leave him asleep.
Shh. Shh.
I missed you.
You smell of hospital.
Sexy hospital.
Are you sure you're okay to drive?
I passed my driving test having consumed a near fatal dose of meow meow.
If anything, I'm a better driver when I'm high.
I should go.
I'll come back... as soon as it's safe.
Don't stop breathing, dumb-ass.
I'll try not to.
Raquel?
I'll see you soon.
Now I'm going. Now I'm going. I'm going now.
I'm going now. Bye.
Bye.
Raquel!
What are you doing here?
Uh...
Visiting a friend. He's sick.
What's wrong with him?
Uh, he was stung by a bee.
Uh, he's allergic. His face swelled up.
It's all red and puffy like a baboon's arse.
Poor guy.
Anyway, I'm glad I ran into you.
There was, uh, something I'd like to talk to you about.
Now?
-Oh no. It's not really a good time. -It won't take long, Raquel. Come on.
Are you, uh...
doing anything for Halloween?
Not really. Just having a quiet one.
Is that right?
Very sensible.
Grab yourself a seat.
So. How are things with your friend Amy?
Last time we spoke, you said you'd fallen out.
We made up.
That could change again.
How come?
Just a hunch.
What? What is it?
It's nothing.
Yeah, alright.
Yes! Thank you.
Sorry.
Halloween...
It's always a busy day for...
any mental health professional.
People go nuts.
Seriously.
Are you going to a party?
I'm going to the mother of all parties.
You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about.
That's right.
There is.
Do you believe in destiny, Raquel?
Depends what you mean by destiny.
Mmm.
Destiny.
"Events that will necessarily happen to a particular person in the future."
Thank you, Wikipedia.
Today is all about you.
Your destiny.
Your dad always knew you were special.
He was right.
It's you.
You're the big, evil prick.
I'm a big, evil prick.
I'm gonna rip your head off!
They said it was impossible for a demon to father a child.
We're so twisted, and evil, we even kill our own sperm.
I've waited over 800 years for someone like you.
I don't want to blow smoke up your arse, but you're unique, one of a kind.
-You're a frigging unicorn. -If I'm a unicorn,
I know exactly where I'm ramming my horn.
Love this banter.
-You killed my dad. -A necessary step on your little journey.
Everything that's happened.
It's all been leading to this moment.
You killed him.
Save it for later.
We have a party to go to.
Are we here?
Well, it was like my driving test all over again.
Raquel!
Go. Go after them!
Oh no, come on.
Come on, you beautiful sexy bitch.
-We're gonna lose them. -Piece of shit!
We're gonna need some Halloween costumes.
Raquel.
Hey Raquel. You should really see this.
There she is!
So...
What do you think?
You've no idea how hard I've worked
to bring this all together.
And here we are.
This is huge.
Don't touch me you prick.
You see up there?
That's where you're going to open the gates of hell.
And that's when the fun really starts.
By fun, I mean apocalyptic slaughter.
You think I'm gonna fire up and open them for you?
You think you can just switch me on. I'm not a toaster.
You're definitely not a toaster.
Well, you've forgotten I'm your therapist. I know you.
I know exactly which buttons to press.
So when the time comes,
I'm gonna crack that big heart of yours wide open.
You won't be able to help yourself.
You'll open the gateway
and the Legions of Hell will come pouring through it. Job done.
The only thing I'm gonna be cracking is your pointy little rat face.
-Really? -Hm-mmm.
You say tomato. I say there's no tomatoes,
just pain, terror and unimaginable suffering.
Who's hungry?
Shall we order some Thai food? Yeah? You fancy it?
Are we ready to do this?
Have you seen this? Practically everyone we know is going to this Halloween party.
-Pete going? -Which Pete?
Fit Sister Pete.
Fat Sister Pete.
Tall Tony?
Little Finn?
Gay Simon? Weird Simon? Simon One Ball? Big bald Jimmy Chemo?
They're all going.
Oh. The poor bastard's got cancer. He shouldn't be going to a party.
If we don't stop it, they'll all be possessed.
Yeah, well, it's a lot of pressure. I'm not good with pressure.
This costume is not designed for bowel related emergencies.
I can't wait to see the look on her face when you take it off.
It's going to break her heart.
All hell is going to break loose...
literally.
You should get changed.
Chop, chop.
Something's going on.
What is it?
I think I'm gonna die.
I saw it.
Okay.
We get on a plane and go live on a desert island.
Let's just get on a plane...
What about everyone else?
Tall Tony, Little Finn, Fat Sister Pete?
They'll have to take their chances.
I am not losing you.
What about Raquel?
She'd never walk away from me, no matter what.
She'd be straight in there, cracking skulls.
-I don't want to die. -You don't have to die.
Walk away, Amy!
My mum spent her life running away.
-Yeah. -From demons, from the future, from me.
Maybe you have to run towards it...
balls out.
Don't do this.
Don't go balls out.
I have to.
I save Raquel or I die trying.
Well then...
I guess we're going balls out together, aren't we?
Balls out and the wind in our hair.
Oh. You can say what you want about the evil shits,
but they know how to throw a party.
It is going off!
Whoa!
Jimmy!
Hey, man!
Guess what? I got the all clear.
The tumor, it's gone. I'm fine!
That's great, man. I'm made up for you.
Today is the first day
of the rest of my life.
Yeah. About that. You've got to get out of here...
-What? -They're going to open the gates
of hell and everyone here is gonna get possessed by demons.
Are you high?
You crazy bastard you!
Cool. Catch you later, man!
Jimmy! Jimmy, get out of here.
Jimmy!
Oh. You silly,
bald prat.
He must be holding Raquel backstage.
Check down there.
Amy?
Doctor Weaver.
We met in the hospital
the night you had your hallucination.
What are you doing here?
Sorry.
Sometimes I lose track of who knows what.
I'm behind this whole Legions of Hell thing.
It was all me.
I can't believe you're the same
confused, scared, stupid little girl I met that night.
Hats off... really.
-Where's Raquel? -Well, she's in the Green Room...
chilling...
before her big moment.
You already know Mercy.
That F-15 fighter jet in my tit...
you ruined my favourite bra.
The rescue party's here.
-Amy? -I was going to snap her neck
like a chip-stick...
but I really wanted her to see this.
Here we all are.
All the players.
Don't know about you...
but I'm feeling it.
Man...
I need a cigarette.
I think we can manage that.
Jesus.
Jeez, you little bitch.
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
I'm a unicorn.
On second thoughts, you're not a unicorn.
You're a dodo.
And we all know what happened to the dodos.
Did they have sex with your mum?
I am Baleros
of the ancient ones,
the spawn of the Dark Lord himself.
I don't have a mum.
So the Dark Lord just shat you out? That figures.
As much as I'd like to hang
around exchanging pithy insults,
but the gates of hell won't open themselves.
I hope he's gonna be awake for the main event.
-It's late for him. -Well, I suppose if he
stays up after ten o'clock, he has to wear knee pads and a helmet.
You just make sure he's there.
I hope you're not having second thoughts about him being possessed.
Find their dickhead friend. And check the first aid kit.
See if we have any of that pain relief spray.
Amy?
Amy.
Amy?
Huh?
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I should have listened to you.
Next time.
What?
There might not be a next time.
You saw something?
Is it bad?
About as bad as it can get.
You or me?
Me.
You came anyway?
I thought I was crazy and then I met you.
I guess we're both pretty weird.
I like that about us.
Me too.
Let's get this shit storm started.
Since the dawn of time...
demons have walked among us.
Most of you can't see them.
They're possessed people who look just like you.
And you. And you.
You recognise the voice?
-It's the guy off Big Brother. -Yeah?
They live in the darkness, waiting, waiting.
Their time is coming.
-They are loving it. -At the stroke of midnight,
a gateway will open between this world
and the underworld.
The Legions of Hell are coming for you.
Show time.
This is your big moment.
Now.
Do it.
No.
-No. -I'm sorry.
No! No! No!
It's beautiful.
Balls out.
I know how to stop it.
I know how to stop it!
Go.
Raquel!
Raquel.
You'll end the world because of that prick?
Screw him! He's a lying shit!
Don't end the world for his limp dick!
You are a strong, independent woman.
You're like Beyoncé!
All the ladies, throw your hands up!
Raquel! Throw your hands up!
Throw them!
He didn't care about you! I do!
I love you.
I love you!
No!
Amy.
I thought you were dead.
We did it.
We saved the world.
With a little help from
Beyoncé and an inflatable zombie.
Hey.
I was thinking about all the people waking up possessed down there.
How many do you think there are?
It's hard to say.
More than ten, less than 50.
It could have been a lot worse.
They're sitting there...
eating their Cocoa Pops...
looking round at their families thinking, "Which one of you shall I kill first.
Eeny,
meeny,
miny...
Moe."
There's the kicker,
-right in your twat. -No.
Raquel! Raquel!
Oh.
You have no idea how good that feels.
Hundreds of years, waiting in the darkness.
You know...
time really drags down there.
They say...
the first one's the sweetest.
They're right.
I...
was...
born...
to do this.
Oh. Bloody phones.
Now this is totally ruining it for me.
Where is it?
Come on!
Whoever this is calling, they're next.
Have I got a surprise for them...
We need to do another exorcism.
Who?
Jake.
Prick!
You thinking about Harry?
I should have let you shoot the prick.
When I was being... the gateway,
and you kissed me and you told me
-you loved me... -As a friend.
-You can love your friends. -Right. Okay. Friends. That's cool.
Do I have to tell you that I love you? I'm not exactly comfortable with that.
It's fine.
I know you do.
Sorry I can't help with the exorcism.
Imagine that idiot as a Revenant.
The world isn't ready for that.
I already lost one friend.
I want my friend back.
In nomine Patris,
et Filli, et Spiritus Sancti.
Sicut fluit cera
a facie ignis,
sic pereant peccatores
a facie Dei.
That's the lot.
Jake?
Jake!
Jake?
Jake.
Say something.
Say something you crude, vulgar, cock mouth...
You pissed on me.
Oh my God.
-You're totally in love with me. -Shut up.
Oh, it worked. He's fine.
Where is he?
He's just drying his T-shirt.
He's very excited that I pissed on him.
You okay?
Me? I'm fine.
I guess it's over.
Yeah. It is over.
Except for all those other people who got possessed.
Yeah. Apart from that, obviously.
You got any... plans for the next few weeks?
Tyler's still asking about
the night you spiked him.
-Oh, what're you telling him? -Playing it innocent?
You don't sound innocent. I can hear you through the walls.
Okay. Moving on.
-What number is it? -Thirty-six.
We've got another one straight after this.
Some girl on Facebook says that her boyfriend's semen's all cold.
If a girl's possessed, can she get a frosty snatch?
Frosty snatch?
-Are you being for real? -Could be a thing.
Okay. Well, next time we meet one, you can stick a thermometer in her poon.
Oh. You got that nailed.
It's all in the wrist.
I used to play a lot of badminton.
Badminton?
-You're ready? -Ready as a beaver with a chainsaw.
What's that even mean?
Okay, pricks!
Who wants a pole up their arse?